JOKES

-.xEmilyx.- · Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 10:08 pm Post subject: JOKES

Hey does anyone have a really good joke?
Or a joke website?
Tell me.
Very Happy

china.doll · Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:13 am Post subject:

Cheesiest joke eva:

knock knock,
who's there?
the interrupting cow

the interrup- (MOO)
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If you wear impressive clothes."
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babiee_nicky · Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:17 am Post subject:

theres this one which is so hard.
q: what can you hold without touching it?

give up?

you sure?

a: your breath!
i found that so hard. Icon_ups

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- Coco Chanel

-.xEmilyx.- · Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:17 am Post subject:

lmao.

babiee_nicky · Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:20 am Post subject:

hehehe.

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"A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous."
- Coco Chanel

Kimmy · Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 6:38 pm Post subject:

^^^ Funny.

SUGARR* · Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:30 pm Post subject:

LOL i got the breath thing right away! and i NEVER get stuff like that, so i feel pretty awesome right now ^^
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petite_patineuse · Fashionista Joined: 28 Dec 2006 Posts: 66 Smiles: +1

^haha! i did NOT get it. but, im just not smart like that hahahaha (common sense -wise.) breath. that is clever.

china.doll · Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 6:33 pm Post subject:

^yea, I didn't get it either. the trickiest riddle I've ever been faced with, hahaha.
_________________

"You have a much better life
If you wear impressive clothes."
- Vivienne Westwood

Nothing Better · Supermodel Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 830 Smiles: +16

This was in this month's Cosmogirl:

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite!

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf-esteem!

rockhard101 · Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 6:20 pm Post subject:

^ I like that![/quote]
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_Bee_ · Fashionista Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 72 Smiles: +3

One day, Jesus and Satan decided to settle which one of them was the best programmer. God was chosen to be the judge.

Jesus and Satan got 10 hours to create the best program they could for the PC.

When 10 hours had passed, the power suddenly went out, and all the data disappeared from both monitors. Moments later, the power came back on.

On Jesus's monitor, all the data had returned to its previous state, whereas Satan's monitor remained blank.

Satan got really angry and complained to God.

God was quiet for a moment, then he laughed and said, "Jesus saves!"

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that there had to be something done about it.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She then explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then used it to clean the mirror. Needless to say, there have been no lip prints on the mirror since

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."
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crazykiki · Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 4:20 pm Post subject:

^it took me 5 mins to get the jesus saves thing and i read the lipstick one before in an email :lol:
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The_Alphabet · Fashionista Joined: 15 Jan 2007 Posts: 68 Smiles: +10

Lol my fave joke is:

Why did the first elephant fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.

Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
He was tied to the first elephant.

Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
He thought it was a game.

haha makes me laugh all the time

pizzolon · Supermodel Joined: 03 Jan 2007 Posts: 632 Smiles: +17

i know im late and this is a song but its funny.

in the bedroom the mighty bedroom.
the husband says to wife.
i have slept with many women.
the wife pulls out the knife.

OH!!!

a weenie chop, a weenie chop, a weenie chop, a weenie chop.

OOOOOOOOHHHOOOHOOOHOOHOOOOOOOOHHHOOOOHOOOHOOOOOO.

he he.

DeadDisco · Miss Universe Joined: 06 Dec 2006 Posts: 2463 Smiles: +70

Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Car go beep beep.

What's something yellow that you find in an apple tree??

A stupid banana. XD
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Tick tock, you're not a clock
You're a time bomb, baby

--baybiee. · Beauty Queen Joined: 01 Sep 2007 Posts: 225 Smiles: +2

lol
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In Order to be Irreplaceable,
One Must be Different
-- COCO CHANEL

Marianas Wench · Posted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:03 pm Post subject:

This is something that happened at work, and I'm explaining it so I don't sound rude.

Coworker: What do you call a black guy that flies a plane?
Me: Uh... I have no idea. Really, I can't even guess at that.
Coworker: A pilot.
Me: Huh?
Coworker: A pilot, you racist.

And believe it or not, I managed to screw that joke up once by going "What do you call a black guy who's a pilot? Wait... that can't be right" =S
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camita · Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2007 3:52 pm Post subject:

My young cousin's favorite joke:

"I have a dirty story for you...............A white horse rolled in mud."

boarderlinefrenzy · Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2007 5:25 pm Post subject:

^That reminds me of...

Want to hear a dirty joke?

yeah.

Jimmy fell off his bick and got muddy.

Want to hear a clean joke?

sure.

Jimmy took a bath with Bubbles.

Want to hear another dirty joke?

okay...?

Bubbles is the girl next door.

Little kids can be so immature! haha
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“Imagination is the highest kite one can fly”
~Lauren Bacall

Kimmy · Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 6:41 pm Post subject:

Here is a Ukrainian joke:

An elderly Ukrainian man lay dying in his bed. While
suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the
aroma of his favorite Ukrainian perogies wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from
the bed.

Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs.

Downstairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into
the kitchen. Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought
himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper
on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite perogies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Ukrainian
wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy
man?

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in
a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of
the perogies was already in his mouth.

With a trembling hand he reached for a perogie at the edge
of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon by
his wife.

"Back off." she said. "They're for the funeral."

amyamy8 · Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 8:28 pm Post subject:

^ahah :lol: i like it

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND..."

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
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boarderlinefrenzy · Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 5:28 pm Post subject:

^haha!

I used to love Little Johnny jokes. Well, not love I was actually kind of annoyed by them, but they were a guilty pleasure, I guess.
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“Imagination is the highest kite one can fly”
~Lauren Bacall

that_gurl8 · Supermodel Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 787 Smiles: +29

I read this one, in one of the magazines:

A happy couple went on a vacation.
One day they played baseball, and the women accidentally hit the ball so hard that she broke the window in someone's room in the hotel.
So the husband said that he'll go over there to apologize and he'll pay for a new one. But she felt horrible, so she decided to go with him.
They knocked on the door, and no one answered.
The door opened by it self... All of a sudden they saw a ghost.
They both got scared and started apologizing. And they couldn't believe what he was telling them.
He was thanking them SO much cause he told them that he was stuck in the bottle for a 100 years and thanks to the women she broke the bottle when she broke the window in his room.
So since he was some kind of ghost he told them that they have 3 wishes.
Anddd the couple started thinking about what they should wish for.
But the ghost added that he'd like to have a wish too. So they each got one.
The husband said that he want's to earn a million dollars a year.
The woman said she wants to have a mansion in every country with slaves.
And the ghost said that his wish is to have *** with the women.
At first the husband said no, but then the couple said to themselves, we'll be rich, we'll have so many houses we will be able to do whatever we want to...
So she decided that she'll do it with the ghost. And after they finished it.
The ghost called them back to come in the room and asked them:
"How old are you two?"
THE COUPLE: "Were 34 years old."
GHOST: And you still believe in ghosts? Ahaha.

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Puddingcup. · Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:12 pm Post subject:

my friend said this a while ago... it was so random, it got me laughing hysterically..

why did the plane crash?

'cause the pilot was a breadstick
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